Feis friends are the best friends?

 For a lot of Irish dancers, Irish dancing is a competitive sport. It is something we spend a lot of time doing, working on, thinking about, worrying about, feeling excited about…there's a lot of emotions that come with Irish dancing! These emotions can affect more than just feises, they can also spill over and have a direct effect on our friendships in the Irish dancing world - both positively and sometimes negatively too. 

We understand it can be really difficult, especially as we are growing up, to navigate the world of friendships - without the added layer of navigating the Irish dancing world at the same time. It is something that all of the MWM Team have experienced and we want you to understand that friendships in the Irish dancing world can be marvellous! 

Here's our five top tips to understanding friendships in the Irish dancing world and how to help make them as positive as possible.

Separation station…

One way to deal with close friendships when it comes to competition is to make a separation between your friendship and the competition. One doesn't need to affect the other. You can be amazing friends and also compete against each other without the result having an influence on your friendship. Setting this clear distinction in your mind means that once the competition is over, you can both go back to being just as close as you were before it started. At the end of the day, allowing the opinions of three judges to affect your close friendship isn't helpful or productive! Allow those judges to have their opinions and carry on with your friend just as before. 

Competitors don't have to mean enemies…

Meg wanted to point out that just because you are competitors, doesn't mean you have to be enemies or can't be friends. Some of Meg's closest friends in the world are dancers from other schools, other regions and even other countries! These are people she competed against all the time, and because they spent almost every weekend together they had and still have a really close bond. Everyone sidestage is there because, just like you, they love Irish dancing - you already have a connection and something in common. 

One story Meg remembers really clearly is at the World Championships when her best friend Kirsty would come and sit with her during results. Kirsty was so supportive of Meg that she missed her own placement because she was too busy celebrating with Meg! They didn't dance for the same school, but that didn't matter because they're friendship was so strong. Kirsty’s teacher often wasn’t very happy either, but Meg and Kirsty are still best friends now they are 30 years old. 

R-e-s-p-e-c-t…

On that note then, respect and cheer for each other! Respect is an important element in friendships. Respecting each other's feelings is really important. If your friend is upset about a result - respect that. If your friend has had an amazing result - respect their right to want to celebrate. Equally, they should do the same for you - it needs to be a mutual respect. 

Once we respect each other, it is much easier to cheer for each other. Annabelle's best friend, Lucy, danced for a different school to Annabelle but that didn't stop them from being best friends. Lucy was always there to cheer for Annabelle and celebrate for her and likewise Annabelle was always there to cheer for Lucy too! There were years when Annabelle qualified for Worlds and Lucy didn't and years when Lucy qualified and Annabelle didn't - but this never got in the way of their firm friendship. There would be feises when they'd sit together and they'd always make sure they were there to watch each other dance. Even now Annabelle is retired, she always makes sure that she’s there to support Lucy when she can. 

Comparison is the thief of joy…

One of the biggest reasons why dancing gets in the way of friendships is because of comparison. Comparing ourselves to anyone can leave us feeling negative, deflated and upset. When we compare ourselves to our friends, it can affect our friendships as we may start to feel resentful or jealous. 

The easiest way to do this, is to stop comparing! You are both on your own dance journey. You are following your own path. So focus on your own training. Focus on your own corrections. Focus on your own preparation - because ultimately that is going to be the most beneficial way to improve your dancing. 

Everyone is different - that's what makes us amazing and that's why we have so many friends who can help us with different aspects of our lives. Accept that we are on different journeys and we can only do what we can do. Focus on yourself and your training and encourage your friend to do the same as well. I am sure you have a lot more interesting things to talk about rather than comparing yourself to each other! 

Speak up…

Of course, we understand that these tips won't help everyone and sometimes there are occasions when we don't know what else to do. Even when we try to act in a more friendly and positive way, other people may not do so. This can sometimes lead to friendships turning sour, especially in dance classes. If this is the case, it is important that you speak with your dance teacher and parents as they may be able to help and need to be aware of the situation. Try not to take it all too personally and with the help of trusted adults try and work towards a resolution that is positive for both of you. 

At the end of the day, navigating friendships can be hard, but they can also be the most wonderful relationships!! Feis friends can really be the best friends. Let us know if this blog helped you - our inbox is always open.